


Chop Chop Chop!

by supergreak



Category: Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Old Republic
Genre: Crack, Do Not Apply Logic To This Fic, Gen, L-space, Timey-Wimey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 07:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2420138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supergreak/pseuds/supergreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three Choppers from Star Wars converge in a diner.  Or L-space.  Or...well, let's just blame the Force.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chop Chop Chop!

**Dramatis Personae**

Chopper (clone trooper): _a clone trooper in the Grand Army of the Republic and a member of Slick's platoon during the Clone Wars. Known for being really competent and also kind of crazy; makes necklaces from the fingers of battle droids._

Chopper (criminal): _a member of the Fondor Five criminal gang during the Cold War, in Star Wars: The Old Republic. Murders lots of people? Nautolan (same species as Kit Fisto) and native to Glee Anselm, the home planet of the Nautolans. The Fondor Five operate on Coruscant and around the galaxy_

C1-10P, or "Chopper," _an astromech droid aboard the starship Ghost in Star Wars: Rebels. Which hasn’t aired yet. Thus, no spoilers within, because I don’t know any._

Chopper slouched down in the booth, in the back of Dex's Diner. He removed his armor's helmet, scratched at his scars, and took a slug from his canteen. There was no waitstaff in the diner. There weren't any customers, either, and even Dex himself was missing. On the plus side, at least there weren't any kriffing battle droids here, and no commanding officers on his ass, either. 

A grungy looking male Nautolan joined him a minute later, followed by an astromech droid. "The singularity got you too, huh? My name's Chopper, and I reckon yours is, too. The 'droid's name is C1-10P, but he goes by Chopper." His green skin barely showed any tint in the dim lights of the diner. "I've been talking to this 'droid - pretty advanced, compared to my time. I'm from about three thousand years in the past, if the dates on the 'droid's history datacard are correct. Ten-Pee here's from ten years in your future. The Empire sounds like just buckets of fun for the everyday common criminal, let me tell you that. Will be kind of glad to get back home, now that I know how the future's turning out. It _sucks_. 

The clone trooper rolled his eyes. "Just great. Any idea why we're here?"

C1-10P chirped a long string of phrases, which the criminal seemed to follow, nodding his head. 

The clone said, "Well?" 

The Nautolan responded. "We're all from different points in time, and the droid says we're just seeing Dex's because it's the best our minds can comprehend the fact that we've been brought to an interdimensional space via singularity.

Which doesn't make sense to me, but whatever. Ten-Pee says it's something called "L-Space", caused by someone, somewhere, in another dimension trying to summon a likeness of one of us, but not specifying which, and therefore the multiverse got stuck."

"So what do we do about it?" The clone asked, stealing a fried tuber from the other being's. It had just _appeared_ a moment ago.

Chopper, the clone, tried wishing really, really hard for a cold beer and was pleasantly surprised when one showed up on the table in front of him. "Stars." He drained the glass, suddenly parched, and placed it back on the table. He glanced over at the astromech, who was plugged into the data port on the wall. Probably trying to get more information about where and when they were. 

He looked back at the table. His beer was full again, and the criminal Chopper was smirking at him.

The clone downed his glass. "Here's what I figure." He said, with the bravado that came with working with Jedi way too often. "We've all tried the doors-"

"And the windows!" The other interrupted.

The clone rolled his eyes again. "and they didn't work, that's my kriffing point. This isn't a physical place we're stuck in; it's one of those extra planes Kenobi and his Jedi friends babble about when they're wasted on Corellian brandy. Without a physical problem, physical solutions won't help us."

"So we have to solve the problem metaphorically?" The criminal sighed, and tossed back a shot. "The literal problem, according to Ten-Pee, is that someone named us all ambiguously."

The clone ate another piece of tuber thoughtfully. "Hey, if we figure out distinct names, or at least disambiguations, for all of us, it will solve the original problem." 

Chopper-the-Criminal beamed at him and raised his own class, which was smoking slightly. "Kid, you're a genius. I'm from Glee Alselm, and you're from..."

The clone answered. "Kamino. I'm Chopper of Kamino."

"Fantastic." Chopper of Glee Anselm said, toasting Chopper of Kamino one last time, as C1-10P "Chopper" the astromech chirped merrily.

Then, Chopper of Kamino's vision was blurring and he was stumbling over the body of a battle droid, blasters going off all around him. He pulled out his DC-15S and started blasting, bending down to snap a finger off the fallen droid. 

Obviously, this was just a hallucination brought on by battle stress, but if not...he'd just make sure to leave a message on the holonet, for a droid named Chopper a few years down the line. Just in case.

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written because a user tagged with Chopper (Star Wars). An hour of Wookiepedia and approximately 1000 iterations of "kriffing star wars authors with no naming creativity" I wrote this fic, pretty much just so that I could create the disambiguated canonical tags for it.


End file.
